The First Six Inches Are Always The Worst.

Saturday school students and the occasional Tesco’s shopper were the witnesses for Marlow’s fifth consecutive league defeat this season. The students settled down and began to learn their times tables and verb conjugations; a harsh juxtaposition to the Marlow team that had failed to learn from previous performances so far during the season.

The 4-0 win over Tonbridge Wells, on match day one, was a wisp of hazy memory against the dark ominous cloud that is the foot of the league table; and four straight defeats in competitive matches did not help proceedings. The game was huge for both teams, West Hampstead needing the three points nearly as much as Marlow. The stench of exhaust fumes, the brown and orange of the oak trees and the sound of children playing in the playground was the back drop for this bottom of the table scuffle.

The game began with West Hampstead (WH) pressing Marlow high and causing some defensive frailties to show through the overall classy and experienced back four. Marlow’s disciplinary creditably has often been questioned this season already and took a turn for the worse when Andrew Cooper and Jack Rolfe both received a green card for a bad stick tackle and not retreating five yards respectively. Things went from bad to worse for Marlow when WH netted twenty-five minutes in. It was obvious that the home team smelled blood and quickly scored another due to some shocking marking from the ginger number sixteen and an unfortunate mistake by Boyd Dercksen in the Marlow goal. The half ended 2-0. Marlow had a lot to do in the second half to make up for the dismal display in the first.

After another classic Kevin Chappell team talk, the Marlow boys returned to the pitch having awoken from the deep sleep of mediocrity; or so they thought. Soon after the interval, WH put a short corner into the top right corner of Dercksen’s net, whistling past Andrew Cooper’s right ear as it did so. The only relief was that the ball did not hit Andrew in the eye, after already scratching one of them earlier this week. However, one can’t help but feel if the ball had struck Andrew in the facial area, it may have improved his ‘oh-so-Nottingham’ features.

Never-the-less, Marlow persisted and began to string together some good, flowing passing moves. After one of the said moves in the thirteenth minute however, WH caught Marlow on the break and following some more dreadful defending from the infamous liability at the back wearing sixteen, WH made it four with a scummy tap in.

Marlow’s backs well and truly against the wall, only a fool’s hope remained. Alex Land’s and Kevin Chappell’s battle cries could be heard for miles around which seemed to give the team a boost. Two quick goals for Marlow, being supplied by Ali Dalton and Alex ‘El Capitano’ Land, gave the reds the moral and energy injection required to pull off what could have been a historic come-back. Sadly though, it was not to be.

WH’s professional outlook on proceedings saw them home but, not before Oscar Ancliffe saw yellow for shoving a WH player. It was thought to have been because of a bad tackle on Oscar, though sources close to Ancliffe indicate that he pushed the WH player because of the pink bandana the player was wearing around his head. Also before the final whistle, Chris Land was given a yellow for not retreating five in a controversial end to the game. The final score finished 4-2 to the home side. In some peoples’ eyes, this was a fair reflection but, in many of the reds’ eyes, it was another day of ‘what could have been’.

After the game, sweaty, angry and unable to shower, the team reflected: ‘basics’ was the end message that came from the post-game analysis. Although the team left with no points, they did leave with a phrase that made them chuckle: ‘the first six inches are always the worst’. This is funny obviously because of the crude double entendre, but potentially food for thought in a metaphorical reflective sense too. Six games have now been played in the league, which equates to the number of inches described as ‘the worst’. This would indicate that it can only get better from here for the reds.

Although the metaphor may be questionable, one thing is for sure, the reds play host to a struggling Barnes side this coming Saturday. Will Marlow conquer their losing streak and finally claim another three points, or will Barnes prove to be the thorn in the red swan’s side? Tune in next week where all will be revealed.

by Sam North